Sunday Morning Musings: Let’s Talk About Petfluencers

Morning, humans.

My human made the same mistake again. She left her phone unlocked.

Naturally…

I’ve been on TikTok. Apparently, there’s a whole career now called being a petfluencer.

Well…

I suppose I could have a glittering career.

I’ve got the looks.

I’ve got the personality.

And let’s be honest…

This shell is timeless.

But do you know what?

Money? That’s a very human thing.

Apparently, you can become rich by filming beautiful reptiles that evolved to roam the ground……doing absurd things for the internet.

Wearing little jackets.

Riding robot lawnmowers.

Shopping in transparent backpacks.

Honestly, humans…

What in the name of a dried-up campanula makes you think we’d ever want to go shopping in a clear backpack?

Imagine spending millions of years evolving to explore fields, hedgerows wildflowers and grasses..... Only to end up in a plastic bubble in a shopping centre…….

No, thank you.

I’d rather be under a lavender bush where I can disappear just as you’ve spent twenty minutes looking for me.

Then there’s the food. I’ve watched tortoises being offered pizza.

Chinese takeaway.

Huge bowls of peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers and every other ingredient that looks suspiciously like it came from the Harvester salad bar.

The human proudly says,

“He loves it.”

Really?

Humans… we investigate the world with our mouths.

If your tortoise nibbles your shoe, it doesn’t mean you need to order him a size 10 for dinner.

So please don’t mistake eating something for wanting it. And don’t get me started on carrots…

That little conversation deserves a post of its own.

Humans call all of this petfluencing.

Do they?

Because from where I’m standing, it looks more like humans influencing other humans to forget we’re tortoises.

Me?

I’m not interested in being a petfluencer.

I’m a humanfluencer.

And I’m rather proud of it.

If I can persuade one human to build a bigger enclosure…

Plant a few more weeds…

Or simply let a tortoise be a tortoise…That’s worth far more than all the likes, followers and sponsorships in the world.

Now put the phone down…

And go in the garden and watch us enjoy this beautiful weather, we’ll even make you smile with some of the antics we get up to.

Manuel x

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