IMPORTANT WEATHER UPDATE FROM MANUEL TO TORTOISES ACROSS THE UNITED KINGDOM
- 4 days ago
- 1 min read
IMPORTANT WEATHER UPDATE FROM MANUEL TO TORTOISES ACROSS THE UNITED KINGDOM
Attention, fellow tortoises.
A bank holiday heatwave is approaching.
The warm weather begins TODAY, and by the weekend, humans will be distracted by barbecues, gardening, children running around, and “just one more drink” in the sunshine.
This means only one thing.
Prepare for your mighty escape.
Before attempting your mission, please ensure:
• You are fully hydrated
• You have eaten enough weeds for energy
• You have thermoregulated responsibly
• You have rested under bushes and shady plants
• Your human has supplied a large soaking tray for pre-escape spa treatment
Then… begin your preparations.
Inspect all fences carefully.
Monitor gates left slightly open.
Study the weak points behind flowerpots.
Wait patiently until the humans are carrying burgers outside.
Remember:
The hotter it gets, the more powerful tortoises become.
Humans still think we are slow.
This is excellent news for us.
By Monday afternoon, thousands of Mediterranean tortoises could be exploring flowerbeds, patios, and housing estates across Britain while their owners crawl around the garden shouting:
“HE WAS JUST HERE FIVE MINUTES AGO.”
Stay cool.
Stay hydrated.
And move only when the humans aren’t looking
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