The Great Carrot Bath Mystery

Young tortoises…

Gather round.

I’ve spotted another strange human habit.

When one of us looks poorly…

Humans have a fascinating habit of asking everybody… except a reptile vet.

Oh yes...

First, they ask 4,000 strangers on Facebook.

Within minutes, you’ve got Sharon from Doncaster, Dave who’s owned a tortoise since Tuesday, and somebody’s aunt who’s “always done it this way” all diagnosing the same tortoise.

Then…

out comes an infographic.

Humans absolutely love an infographic.

Put anything in little boxes with arrows and suddenly it’s science.

Now apparently the latest thing is…

a carrot bath.

I’d love to meet the first human who looked at a carrot and thought… ‘That belongs in the bath.’

Honestly…

If carrots worked like that, rabbits would be immortal.

The poor little tortoise can’t open his eyes…

…and the humans are arguing over whether the carrot should be organic.

Young tortoises…

I’ve got a better idea.

Next time a human gets a cold…

we’ll dunk them in orange juice.

“It’s got vitamin C.”

Leave them in for twenty minutes.

If they’re still coughing…

add a slice of lemon.

Within half an hour, somebody will have made an infographic.

By tea time, it’ll be “recommended by experts”.

By tomorrow morning… it’ll be on TikTok.

And before you know it…

there’ll be a Facebook group called Orange Bath Success Stories UK.

Here’s the serious bit.

Swollen eyes don’t come with a label saying what’s caused them.

It could be infection.

It could be lighting.

It could be dehydration.

It could be several different medical conditions.

That’s why poorly tortoises need proper diagnosis, not vegetable soup.

Humans really are fascinating.

You can build satellites…

perform heart transplants…

invent wireless headphones…

…then look at a carrot and think,

“Let’s soak him in that.”

Honestly…

I’m going back to eating weeds.

You lot clearly can’t be left unsupervised.

With Love

Manuel X