MANUEL’S GUIDE TO HUMANS: The Tortoise With an Out-of-Office Reply: THE HORSFIELD TORTOISE

Four toes, a shovel and absolutely no respect for boundaries

Humans, we need to discuss Horsfields. Because somewhere right now, a human is staring into an empty enclosure shouting:

“WHERE’S THE TORTOISE?”

Relax. You’ve got a Horsfield.

I’m Manuel, a respectable spur-thighed tortoise, and even I think these chaps are slightly bonkers.

FIRST, THEY’RE NOT MEDITERRANEAN

Horsfields come from Central Asia, where their ancestors dealt with dry steppes, rocky ground, baking summers, freezing winters and enormous changes in temperature.

While my ancestors were enjoying the Mediterranean lifestyle, theirs were basically doing SAS selection.

This explains a lot.

THEIR YEAR IS BONKERS TOO

In parts of their natural range, Horsfields may have a main above-ground activity period of only around three months.

THREE MONTHS!

Wake up. Eat. Walk. Mate. Dig. Female lays eggs. Inspect perimeter. Escape. Human retrieves you. Escape again.

Excellent. Annual business concluded.

As conditions become extremely hot and dry, some retreat underground and dramatically reduce their activity. Then winter comes and, you guessed it, back underground.

Frankly, it’s less of an annual calendar and more of an out-of-office reply.

Thank you for contacting Horsfield. Horsfield is currently unavailable.

Unfortunately, due to excessive sunshine, insufficient sunshine, inappropriate temperature or simply not fancying it, Horsfield will not be responding at this time.

For urgent enquiries, please leave a dandelion outside the burrow.

Do not chase.

THEY DON’T JUST DIG

Other tortoises dig.

Horsfields undertake civil engineering projects.

In the wild, they can construct burrows reaching around two metres long, sometimes with a larger chamber at the end.

Two metres! That’s not a burrow. That’s a bungalow.

Spacious underground residence. Naturally climate controlled. Private entrance. Humans prohibited.

There is a very sensible reason for it. Their burrows help protect them from extremes of heat, cold and dryness.

So when your Horsfield disappears underground, he isn’t necessarily being difficult. He’s doing exactly what thousands of years of evolution have told him to do.

Although doing it directly underneath the beautiful tortoise house you bought him is clearly personal.

THEY ARE ESCAPE ARTISTS

Humans, never stand beside a Horsfield enclosure and say:

“There’s absolutely no way he can get out of that.”

He can hear you. And now you’ve made it personal.

They dig, scramble and climb remarkably well. You see a secure enclosure. The Horsfield sees an escape room.

Wall? Interesting. Corner? Promising. Rock beside wall?

Thank you for the staircase, Susan.

You can build Fort Knox. Your Horsfield will walk around once, stop beside the lavender and think:

There. 11mm. Been monitoring it since Tuesday. Tonight we move.

Horsfields characteristically have four toes or claws on each foot, hence their other common name, the four-toed tortoise.

Personally, I think Central Asian Escape Potato tells a prospective human considerably more.

NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT SUMMER

Humans have a peculiar equation:

Hot weather + tortoise = VERY HAPPY TORTOISE.

Not necessarily.

We’re tortoises. Not solar panels.

During very hot, dry conditions, Horsfields can dramatically reduce their activity and some wild populations retreat underground and aestivate.

They may also be much more active during the cooler morning and later afternoon than during the hottest part of the day.

Which is why, during a heatwave, you occasionally find a human kneeling beside a burrow waving a dandelion.

“Basil? Your favourite?”

Nothing.

Dandelion wiggles hopefully.

From somewhere eighteen inches underground:

Madam. We’re closed.

AND WHAT IF THEY STOP EATING?

Don’t immediately panic, but don’t automatically assume it’s normal either.

I need context, humans.

Is your tortoise otherwise healthy and alert? Hydrated? Is the weight stable? What are the temperatures? Has your tortoise buried itself? Is it extremely hot? Recently emerged from hibernation? Any signs of illness?

Horsfields are highly seasonal animals and appetite can change with temperature, light, season and activity.

So “DAY FIVE. COLIN HAS REFUSED DANDELION” isn’t a complete medical history.

A healthy, hydrated Horsfield hiding during extreme heat is very different from a lethargic tortoise losing weight or showing signs of illness.

YES, THEY CAN DO BOTH

Winter dormancy and summer aestivation.

Honestly, Horsfields have discovered more ways of being unavailable than my human’s plumber.

Too cold? Underground. Too hot? Underground. Too dry? Underground.

Conditions perfect?

RIGHT. WE HAVE A WINDOW. Eat. Mate. Dig. Escape. GO GO GO.

DRY DOESN’T MEAN NO WATER

Horsfields evolved in dry environments and need well-ventilated conditions rather than permanently wet, stagnant ones.

But they still need access to water.

They’re tortoises. Not Ryvitas.

And remember, conditions inside those burrows can be very different from the dry, exposed surface.

FOOD IS ACTUALLY SIMPLE

High fibre, appropriate calcium and minerals, low protein and low fat. Suitable weeds, leaves and flowers.

Proper tortoise food.

Not fruit. Not endless cucumber. And not inappropriate food because Derek “won’t eat anything else.”

Derek refuses weeds. Human panics. Human produces favourite food.

Derek thinks:

Excellent. Staff responding well to training.

SO WHAT MAKES A HORSFIELD DIFFERENT?

It isn’t simply the four toes. Their whole behaviour has been shaped by surviving a harsh and highly seasonal environment.

That explains the digging, climbing, disappearing and changing appetite. Once you understand where they came from, a lot of supposedly strange Horsfield behaviour suddenly makes perfect sense.

Although if you own one, there is still one question I recommend asking regularly:

“Where is he?”

Because while you’ve been reading this, the 11mm gap behind the lavender is now 14mm.

Love Manuel x