How To Behave Like A Civilised Tortoise

Morning, humans.

My human made a terrible mistake yesterday. She left her laptop open.

Naturally…I had a look. Now first of all…

There are some lovely humans on these tortoise groups.

Beautiful photographs. Wonderful enclosures. Happy tortoises. Helpful advice.

I even spotted a few rather attractive lady tortoises.

Imagine my disappointment when I realised they were only on the screen.

Anyway…

I started reading the comments. Good grief. You lot are savage. One human asks a question.

Another answers.

A third human arrives from absolutely nowhere……and decides today’s the perfect day to bite someone’s head off.

Why?

Did they steal your basking rock? Eat your favourite dandelion? Knock over your water bowl?

Because that’s about the only reason a tortoise would fall out with another tortoise.

I’ve watched my own human spend hours trying to help people.

Sharing what she’s learnt over decades. Reading scientific research. Learning from experts. Looking after hundreds of tortoises.

Then along comes someone who knows absolutely everything…

…except how to be kind.

Humans…

You can disagree without being disagreeable. You can teach without belittling. You can correct someone without embarrassing them. If another human has made a mistake, help them.

Don’t humiliate them. Because here’s the funny thing… Every expert was once the person asking the beginner’s question. If we’d behaved like some of you do online… The tortoise world would be chaos.

Imagine it.

“Your burrow is rubbish.”

“That’s not how you eat a dandelion.”

“I’ve been basking longer than you.”

“No wonder your shell looks like that.”

Honestly…

There would be real turf wars.

So today, I’d like to offer you one tiny piece of tortoise wisdom.

Before you press “Post”…

Ask yourself one question.

Would I say this if we were sharing the same sunny rock?

If the answer is no…

Perhaps don’t type it.

Now, if you’ll excuse me… I’m off to share my favourite patch of clover with another tortoise.

Because life’s too short… …to spend it arguing, belittling people, or simply being unkind on the internet.

Love and kindness, Manuel x

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